Green Eyes

Having just gotten back from Israel, I was struck by some of the attitudes moms there have towards moms in America. There’s a perception that exists among some Israelis that, in America, moms don’t work. I didn’t mean to disappoint but while I was there I shed the stereotype with at least 2 working moms I met. To boot, they seemed to think that the hours we working moms log in the US (namely me) are less than desirable. I can’t blame them. I feel the same.  Per usual, guilt followed, and had me reeling and second guessing every decision I ever made with regards to my son. Disclaimer here: Yes, I’m this sensitive.

In short, as a mom and a working one you’re always going to feel guilty. The bigger over-arching theme here is that if you’re predisposed to feeling guilty being a working mom sucks. Scratch that. Being an over-achiever and a mom sucks cause there’s not enough time in the day to be awesome at any of them. The most you can hope for is being great at any one of them and for a girl that always needed a star on her homework assignments and could delineate being the “Good,” “Very Good,”  and “Great” attached to those very same stars and whose mood was dependent on which modifier I received… well, let’s just say “sensitivity” is not a word that’s taken lightly in my household without at least a coat of defensiveness running a few inches deep.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t leave my son in the morning that I think to myself, “Shit, I forgot to tell his babysitter this and this could have potentially affected that which ultimately affects this which could cumulatively could affect everything. ”

If I was always borderline neurotic post-baby, having something left to my responsibility more precious than anything in the world put me over the edge. I spend so much time exhausting scenarios in my head, I wonder if my analytical mind is being put to waste here. Is it possible that the very career I’ve trained for which requires me to break things down to their very essence and rigorously assess schemes and their feasibility works against me in my role at home?

At the end of the day I have to hope not. I have to hope that the sum of all of my experiences only empowers me in my most important role – that of mom.

What do you think?

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