It’s What’s Inside That Counts


I got word back from last week’s interview with an IT company. It was my third interview with the company, the very first in-person, and today I got the pink slip from the company’s recruiter saying that my background wasn’t “aligned” with the position they were hiring for. While I’m pretty ok with the not working at the place as I didn’t feel too much chemistry with the woman who would have been my supervisor, I’m still mourning a ton of “first” losses lately.

  1. It’s not the first time a company has rejected me but it is the first time I’ve been rejected after getting to the in-person round of interviews
  2. It’s not the first time I’ve spent a month in the Summer unemployed, but it is the first time I have no decent leads
  3. It’s the first time I’ve been officially laid off
  4. It’s the first time I’ve been pregnant, and subsequently had endure a miscarriage (first and hopefully the last)
  5. It’s not the first time I’ve felt uncertain about my future (and not in a Paxil sorta way), but the first time I’ve experienced a lack of will/desire to forge out there and conquer the world

As you might have conjectured by now today is a day for feeling sorry for myself. I’ve indulged in enough Edy’s ice cream and soap operas, not to mention movies about the Holocaust featuring Claire Danes and French actress Jeanne Moreau to last an eternity. I’ve also exercised to alleviate some of the guilt over the ice cream and I tried to laugh a few times so as to give the lines around my mouth some movement so they don’t permanently engrave themselves as frown lines.

Back to the Holocaust flick – I don’t know why I do it to myself. Chalk it up to watching my grandfather, himself a Holocaust survivor, watch the most depressing documentaries and television programs about the War, as a kid, but here’s my beef with this particular brand of quasi-Lifetime/Sundance channel movie. Now I’m not saying that you need to be Jewish to play a Jewish character in a movie, but we’re talking a frickin’ flick about the Holocaust. Couldn’t they find one Jewish woman to play the title character? What’s more depressing is that casting agent apparently nailed the WASP-y narcissistic homo-erotic male love interest (Jude Law) who presents a tempting paradox for Claire Danes; fragile and emotionally f*cked up lead (aptly named “Daisy”), but wasn’t able to find a blond enough Jew in the mix to replace the whiny Danes AND be convincing enough to pull off a Holocaust survivor.

I don’t know why this annoys me. I have so many other irritants in my life right now, why must I take on some imaginary distraction to lure me away from my present reality? I just wish aesthetic-looking art could do a better job of reflecting painful realities sometimes to save me my own aggravation.

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One Comment on “It’s What’s Inside That Counts”

  1. […] I was also brutally honest about getting laid off. It’s never an easy convo, but after the 1st interview, subsequent ones were easier and I never left feeling shamed or incompetent, especially because I […]


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